


A Clean Run

by mourntheantagonist



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Autocross, Coming Out, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, Found Family, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Neil Hargrove is His Own Warning, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Episode: s03e08 The Battle of Starcourt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Supportive Steve Harrington, brief mention of the aids crisis, race car driving
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:06:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27892012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mourntheantagonist/pseuds/mourntheantagonist
Summary: Billy has been doing this for years. He knew the drive by heart. The intensity has nothing to do with fear over missing his turn or being lost. He could do the drive with his eyes closed.It was because this was the first time Steve would be going with him.ORTwo years following the events of Starcourt. Following Billy and Steve getting together and moving across the country, Billy reignites a passion for racing cars and manages to find something amazing along the way.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 26
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Before you read this I thought I’d mention what exactly autocross is for those who don’t know. Autocross is essentially racing cars in a parking lot on a course made entirely out of cones. The goal being to get the fastest possible time. I explain a lot more in the next chapter but if you have any questions feel free to put it in the comments! I just see this as such a Billy activity so I had to go ahead and write it. 
> 
> Also if you’re like... actually interested in understanding the concept of autocross there’s a couple short videos on YouTube that explain the basics really well. 
> 
> Anyway, sorry for this long ass note and I hope you enjoy this niche little interest of mine!!

**1987: Packwood Day 1**

Billy was incredibly nervous for the last half hour of the drive. His knuckles white as they gripped tightly onto the steering wheel. Intensely driving the speed limit. Eyes permanently glued to the road ahead as he focused all of his energy on his own breathing. 

Steve was sitting by his side in the passenger seat. His left hand squeezing gently on his thigh as they rode through the densely packed wooded area, entering into a town so small it made Hawkins look like Chicago by comparison. 

Billy has been doing this for years. He knew the drive by heart. The intensity has nothing to do with fear over missing his turn or being lost. He could do the drive with his eyes closed. 

It was because this was the first time Steve would be going with him. 

It’s been two years since they got together, and a year since they moved out west. But Billy’s been doing this since he was fifteen years old, give or take the two years off while he was stuck in Indiana.

It’s something Billy has many conflicting emotions about. Because this was something him and his father did together. He hates thinking about it, not because they were bad times for him, but because they were good. It was one of the only times when he actually felt that his father was proud of him. It was the only time he had ever used those words. He looks back on those memories and smiles and then immediately feels sick to his stomach. Because it was those thoughts that let himself be brainwashed into thinking that the abuse was his fault. He convinced himself that _it wasn’t all bad._ That if only he could make his father proud of him, it would all stop. 

It never did of course. It got worse and worse until he finally was capable of leaving his home. He ran away. And his father never faced any consequences.

So when he ran into an old friend during him and Steve's first week in the new city and was approached about racing again, he was reluctant to say the least. Because racing was something he truly enjoyed. The adrenaline rush and the competitive nature along with the excuse to trick out the Camaro was extremely appealing to him. 

After thinking about it for a substantially long period of time, he decided he wouldn’t be letting his father win anymore. His Dad would not be dictating what he could and could not do any longer. He was free and it was about time he started acting like it. And no, he didn’t come to that conclusion on his own.

So from there, at least twice a month, Billy would drive to various locations along the west coast. His Camaro packed with a used set of slicks he purchased off a friend of a friend, along with tools and a small duffle, and he would blow off steam. Alone. 

Steve never pushed. This was Billy’s thing, and it made him happy. He knew it was a sensitive subject for him and seeing Billy come home each time looking more relaxed than before he had left with his arms open wide was enough for Steve. 

And the sex after not seeing each other for a couple days was always worth it.

So that’s why Steve was extremely surprised when after almost a year of going at it alone, never really talking about it much other than offhandedly mentioning his placement, he asked Steve to come with him.

But Billy made one part perfectly clear. He wouldn’t be joining him as Billy’s _boyfriend._

So that’s why Billy’s freaking out in the driver’s seat. That’s why the hand on his thigh isn’t doing much to comfort him even though they’re in the middle of nowhere and there’s no one for miles. Because Billy is terrified.

And Steve understands it completely. It didn’t require an explanation, although it was given anyway. 

Many of these people have known Billy since he was just a kid. They’ve known him longer than Steve has. But the fact of the matter is that the bulk of them were conservative men in their forties that were expectedly homophobic. Run a slow time? You’re a queer. Hit a cone? You’re a fag, and so on and so forth. 

But Billy still wanted to share this with Steve. He wanted to share this important part of his life with Steve. Even if that meant that for two and a half days, Steve was just his friend.

And it sucked. They moved out of Hawkins not just because of Billy’s Dad, but because they wanted to be open about who they were. That was extremely important to Billy and it broke Steve’s heart to see him have to hide that part of himself again. 

They eventually made it to the town with only one road and pulled into the abandoned lumber yard and drove into the lot. Hearing the sounds of revving engines and smelling the strong scent of gasoline before they even entered. Steve made sure to move his hand away from Billy’s leg. 

Billy stayed in his seat in complete silence for an uncomfortably long period of time before finally unbuckling his seat belt and popping the trunk. 

“Let’s set up camp pretty boy.” 

Steve knew that would be the last time he heard that nickname for the rest of the weekend. 

Steve scanned the area as he got out of the car. It wasn’t at all what he was expecting. To be quite frank he didn’t really know what autocross was exactly. For some reason he expected to see NASCAR esque cars around but what he saw was decidedly not that. There was a whole array of different vehicles ranging from expensive Mustangs to basic looking Civics all the way to overly modified gutless wonders that he couldn’t tell you the make or model if he tried.

Billy’s description of the crowd was quite accurate however. Everywhere he looked he saw a slightly overweight white man with graying hair clad in flannel and denim jeans. Many of them looked to have brought along wives and kids. He did see a couple of people who looked to be about their age in the crowd of people, so at least Billy didn’t have to feel too out of place. 

“Hey Billy Boy!” Steve heard a gruff voice from behind him call.

Billy looked a little tense when Steve turned around. The man looked just like the rest of them. He wore an open green flannel with a white wife beater underneath and dark blue Dickies jeans. He had a scruff gray beard and he absolutely reeked of smoke and rum. 

“Hey Ron. You get the Starlet back up and running?” Billy’s unloading the tires as he speaks to him. Steve is able to pick up on his shaky hands. 

“Yeah. I had to replace the transmission which was an absolute bitch to do. She’s a piece of shit but hey, she’s my piece of shit you know?” The guy, Ron, spits on the floor and looks over at Steve who is standing around like a lost kid in a supermarket. “I see you brought a guest.”

Billy pauses for a short second. He’s got his thinking face on. “That’s Steve,” he says. “He’s my roommate. He had a free weekend so I thought I’d bring him along.”

Ron pops some chew into his mouth. “S’good to have ya here Steve. You planning on racing with us tomorrow?”

“No, I'm just here to observe.”

“Shame. Well if you’re lookin’ to ride along, Billy here is one helluva driver. Takes after his daddy.” Steve doesn’t actually see it, but he knows Billy winces at the mention of his father. “Well I’ll leave you two to unpack. Don’t forget to say hello to Gerry or she’ll kick your ass.”

“Yeah I bet. See you around.”

Billy unloads the cooler from the trunk and slams it shut. He immediately pulls out a couple of Coors and hands one to Steve. 

“You doing okay?” Steve asks. Stupid. He knows the answer. Billy’s downing the can in seconds. Maybe he shouldn’t have come. He’s ruining this for him.

“I’m good. Ron’s been friends with my Dad for a long ass time.” He exhales heavily. He tosses his empty can to the ground and crushes it with his foot a little too aggressively. “He’s a good guy. He just doesn’t know.”

Steve can sense Billy is uncomfortable and drops it. It’s hard seeing Billy like this. He’s had his father out of his life for over a year now and still he’s causing him so much pain everyday and Steve wants nothing more than to stop it. He wants to hold him and kiss him and make all the pain go away. But he can’t do that. Especially not here.

“How about we set up the tent, go say hello to this Gerry character, and grab some dinner?” Steve says, changing the subject. “Wait is there even anywhere to eat around here?”

Billy laughs. It’s nice to finally see him smile. “Now you know how I felt having to slum it in Hawkins.” The town they were currently in had a population of only 200 people. So he’d say that’s a pretty accurate comparison. “Don’t worry Steve, there’s a burger joint just down the road.”

\- : -

They manage to assemble the tent without any hiccups. Typically Billy would sleep in his car, but with Steve tagging along it wasn’t exactly practical. The tent was one of the other things that Billy was nervous about. Because they would be sleeping together and people would know. It was ridiculous. Guys did it all the time at the races and he shouldn’t be so worried. Steve even offered to get a hotel to make it easier. But Billy wasn’t going to let Steve think that he was some kind of burden on this trip. So he brushed off his worry and set up the tent.

Gerry finds them before they could find her.

“Hey jackass.” She’s got a cigarette dangling from her lips, arms crossed with an expectant look on her face. She’s not at all the picture Steve imagined. She’s a short and skinny old woman with perfectly white hair. She looks like a regular old lady. But her attitude reminds him a lot of Joyce Byers. She’s got a tough voice that packs a punch.

“Hello Geraldine.” Billy teases.

She removes the cigarette from in between her lips and flicks it to the ground. “Keep it up and I’ll start calling you William.”

Billy laughs and gives her a quick hug. Before this Steve was honestly doubting Billy actually enjoyed this stuff. He’d been miserable up until now. Steve was glad to know his presence might not make the weekend suck entirely.

“You gonna introduce me to your friend here Hargrove?” 

Steve takes to introducing himself this time. 

He reaches out his hand for her to shake. “I’m Steve, Billy’s roommate.” She takes his hand with a strong grip. 

“Pleasure to meet you Steve. Billy’s never mentioned you before. What brings you here?”

Steve frowns at the realization that Billy hasn’t even mentioned him before. They didn’t even know Steve existed let alone that they were together. He’s not sure what he expected though. Steve knew Billy wasn’t out to these people, and he was okay with that. It still didn’t make it hurt any less.

Billy gives Gerry the same spiel he gave Ron earlier. Steve likes Gerry a lot more than Ron. She was crude but Billy liked her and she seemed to like Billy too.

“I’m supposed to tell you that there’s gonna be a bonfire tonight so I better see you both there. I will not be left alone with Ron and Cindy and I’m sure everyone would like to get to know the newcomer.”

“Will do _Geraldine._ ”

“You’re on thin fuckin’ ice _William._ ”

\- : -

It’s not until they leave the burger joint that Steve finally begins to understand all the flannel. It’s fucking freezing and his bomber jacket is doing absolutely nothing for him. He wants nothing more than for Billy to wrap his arms around him and warm him up because Billy is a goddamn human space heater. But he knows they can’t. So he stuffs his hands deep in his jacket pockets and chatters his teeth until they get into the car. He’s really looking forward to that bonfire right about now.

Now that they’re in the car, Steve takes advantage of the privacy. 

“You sure you’re gonna be okay? I know it’s hard having me here and-“

“Don’t.” Billy cuts him off. “Don’t blame yourself because it’s not you. I want you here. I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t.”

Billy takes in a deep breath and continues. 

“I promise baby I’m just fine. Everything will be better tomorrow when I’m actually out on the course and I finally get to impress you.” 

Steve rests his hand on top of Billy’s where it rests on the shifter.

“I love you.” Steve says.

“I love you too.”

\- : -

The heat of the bonfire is hot on his face. Billy and him are sat in fold out chairs surrounded by Gerry, Ron, and at least fifteen other nameless faces. It’s completely dark apart from the light coming from the fire and the stars and the moon in the sky. They’re all talking about cars and Steve couldn’t be more confused. Despite being with Billy for just over two years now, the extent of his knowledge about cars is that tires with tread aren’t good for racing, and if the oil is black, it might be time for a change. Also the fuel gage has an arrow pointing to the side of the car that the gas tank is on. That was a fun thing to learn.

After about five minutes of discussion about some guy's bad radiator, someone points out the elephant in the room.

“So Billy who’s this?”

The woman who asks doesn’t look to be much older than thirty. She’s got long dark brown hair and she’s ridiculously beautiful. 

Billy takes another swig of his drink and points to Steve. “This is my roommate Steve, just came to watch.”

“Ooh is this your first time?” Another woman who appears to be Ron’s wife asks.

“Yup.” Steve pops the ‘p’.

“Well that’s exciting. You totally need to take him as a passenger Billy. It’s more exciting from the inside of the car.”

“I mean if he wants.” Billy laughs a little. “I go a little fast so if you’re nervous I’m sure Dan would take you out for a spin.”

“I resent that Billy.” Dan, Steve assumes, responds while everyone else chuckles.

“So tell us about yourself Steve. What do you do for a living?”

Luckily for Billy, Steve loved being the center of attention. And boy did he love talking about himself. But Billy was still nervous that Steve might let something slip.

“I’m currently working at a small coffee shop while getting my degree at a community college. Trying to go into education.” Billy relaxes a little bit. He trusts Steve, and he _knows_ how good that boy is at keeping secrets.

“Well that’s admirable. Say how did you two meet?”

Steve pauses. Not sure how much Billy wants him to reveal. Billy answers for him.

“We met each other back in Hawkins actually. Played on the basketball team together. We both wanted to get out of there and knew we couldn’t do it on our own.” It’s not a lie. Technically nothing they’ve told anyone has been a lie so far. It makes it just a little easier.

“So Steve, you got a girl back home?”

“Nope, I don’t have time for a girlfriend.” Again, not technically a lie. His _boyfriend_ sure takes up a lot of his time. 

“The two of you have got to get out there. You’re both good looking boys the ladies should be all over you.” It’s Ron’s wife again. Steve can feel Billy’s discomfort about the whole situation. It’s exactly the conversation he’s desperately trying to avoid. 

“I get laid so I’ll be fine.” Billy’s quick on his feet. The two of them are kind of enjoying the thrill a little bit to see how long they can go without lying. It’s really funny because not a single person in the room seems to have a fucking clue. 

“So now you guys know me, it’d be nice to put some names to faces.” Steve changes the subject easily and Billy is sending him mind signals that say ‘thank you’.

Steve learns that Ron’s wife’s name is Cindy. The woman with the beautiful dark brown hair is Jessica. The two little girls he saw earlier were Dan’s kids Gina and Katie. He learns a couple of the other older men’s names, though they all look the same. James, Aaron, Dwight. The two guys who are their age are actually brothers. Jason and Micha. 

Billy’s mood lightened once the attention was finally off of him and back on Aaron’s kid Joey who was eerily similar to Mike Wheeler. Dark curly hair and a constant look of annoyance. Joey had just got his permit and would be racing for the first time so everyone was giving him pointers and it was all very sweet. Despite all the things he knows about all these people, how they feel about people like Steve and Billy, he can understand why Billy likes these people anyway. It’s a weirdly familial bond that he has with many of them. Especially Gerry who he’s described as being the mother to all of the guys. A title she despises.

A yawn out of little Katie’s mouth was their signal to pack up and go to sleep. They all wished each other good nights and good luck tomorrows and headed off to their respective areas. 

As soon as they climbed into the tent and the zipper was closed Billy kissed Steve like he’d been dying to all day. It was short and chaste but it was everything they needed after not even being able to so much as touch each other on the shoulder all day long. Steve smiled through the kiss and Billy sunk into it. When their lips parted Billy rested his forehead against Steve’s. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that all day.” Billy whispered into Steve’s mouth.

Steve brought up a hand to caress Billy’s cheek. He placed a kiss to his forehead and pulled him into his embrace. 

“Me too.”

They stay like that for a while. Feeling every inch of each other’s body against themselves. Taking in each other’s smell and taking in the warmth. Billy pulls back and places a kiss to Steve’s cheek. 

“Let’s get some sleep, we’ve got an early start tomorrow.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I incapable of patience and am posting the second chapter the very next day? yes. I am. This one is much longer than the previous one. I hope you enjoy!!

**1987: Packwood Day 2**

They woke up to the sounds of quiet chatter and cars pulling in and out of the location. The chill of the air is biting but their entwined bodies underneath the thick material of a  _ flannel  _ sleeping bag kept them warm. Because of this Billy was glad they decided to go with the tent, and perhaps Billy’s performance would be better given he didn’t have to sleep in the backseat of the Camaro.

Billy planted a kiss onto Steve’s temple and climbed out of the sleeping bag. Steve was not happy having his favorite source of warmth being taken away, especially at the ungodly hour of six in the morning. 

“I’m gonna go get us some coffee, you just stay here.” And with that Billy was out of the tent and Steve was clutching the sleeping bag close and burying his head inside to keep himself warm.

Luckily only ten minutes later and Billy was back, handing him a piping hot cup of espresso. Steve nursed his coffee for a short while before getting up and getting dressed. 

When he got out of the tent Billy was in the middle of exchanging his street tires for racing ones and it was taking every last bit of restraint from Steve not to smack Billy’s ass. Watching Billy work on cars was extremely sexy. Walking out into the garage to see his man covered in grease and sweat wearing nothing but a tank top and jeans always sent Steve over the edge, and here Billy was, squatting in those tight Levi’s. Steve could combust at any second. 

He loved seeing Billy in his element. Working on cars came like second nature for him. Steve knew jack shit about cars but that didn’t matter. Because it made Billy happy and carefree. That’s what mattered. And dammit he looked hot as hell doing it.

“There’s doughnuts in the bag if you’re hungry. Once I’m finished up here we need to go register and then we can go walk the course if you’re up for it.”

“Wait, why do I need to register?”

“You gotta sign the waiver and shit. Don’t worry Steve I’m not gonna force you behind any wheel.”

Suddenly Steve realized that this wasn’t just driving. This was dangerous enough that simple onlookers had to sign a waiver? 

“I can see you thinking.” Billy pulled him out of his thoughts. “It’s just a precaution. The worst thing I’ve seen happen was some idiot decided to drift into a ditch. Nobody got hurt.” 

Steve was still unsure but accepted it. Billy finished fastening the bolts on the last wheel and together they walked over towards the registration table where Gerry is sitting with a wicked smile.

“Morning Billy, Steve. Ready to sign your life away?”

“Haha very funny Geraldine. Gimme the papers.” She scoffs at the use of her full name and hands the two their clipboards. 

“You think you’re gonna ride with Bill today Steve?”

“Not today, no. I’m just gonna watch today, but maybe tomorrow if I don’t psyche myself out. Are you?”

Gerry frowns a little. “No. Wish I could. I got a brain thing. Rattle me too hard I’ll pass out.”

Steve feels a little awkward now. Doesn’t really know how to respond to that. 

“Gerry used to be a killer driver before. Now she’s here to keep the rest of us in line. I’d say she does a pretty good job of it.” Billy jumps in.

“Flattery will get you nowhere Billy.” The two of them finish filling out the forms and hand them back to her. Steve is grateful Billy stepped in. She hands them two wristbands and Billy hands her his $10 entrance fee. “Good luck today jackass. Tech is at eight so don’t be late.”

The two walk over to the course. It’s a large open paved area littered with bright orange cones with what look to be years worth of tire tracks on them. There’s several people out already walking around and inspecting it. 

“Here let’s put these things on first.” Billy waves the wristbands in the air. “Gina’s our little wristband warrior and she  _ will _ have you kicked out if you’re not wearing it.”

Billy takes Steve’s hand in his and secures the band around his wrist. Steve does the same for him. It’s hardly that intimate but it gives Steve a chill up and down his spine because he’s technically holding his hand in public. And it’s okay because nobody but them has to know exactly what that means. 

They walk over to the starting point and Billy just starts walking. 

“Okay you’ve gotta explain this shit to me. I’ve got no idea what we’re doing.” Steve laughs. He is just standing there where Billy left him at the start. 

Billy walks back over to him and begins explaining.

“Okay princess. This is where we start.” Billy starts walking and this time Steve follows. “You see how this cone is on its side facing the right? That means I have to go around the right side of the cone and then,” he pauses while he walks further into the course. “I have to go in between these two cones. This,” he gestures to the set of cones, “is called a gate.”

Steve nods his head. He’s smiling because Billy seems so excited to tell him all this. It’s the most Steve’s ever heard him talk about autocross and he’s absolutely beaming. It’s adorable. “Okay, I think I get it. Why do you have to memorize the course if all the cones already tell you what to do?”

“It’s all about being precise. You have to know exactly what you’re going to do and you have to do it at the right time and speed. Else you risk spinning out or hitting a cone. You won’t have time if you’re busy figuring out where you’re going.”

They continue walking through the course and Steve continues to ask questions and Billy continues to give him answers.

“So what happens when you hit a cone?”

“Each cone adds one second to your final time. That’s a lot considering most runs only range between thirty to sixty seconds long.” Billy continues walking and inspecting the course. “Right here is a place people will probably be hitting them a lot. This is called a slalom. See that straight line of cones? We have to weave in and out of ‘em.” Billy lines himself up on the left side of the first cone. “The best strategy here is to turn right as you pass the first cone. It’s more of a jerk of the wheel. If you turn too wide you’ll either spin out or miss a gate, which would be a ten second add on.”

Steve just has the biggest grin on his face. 

“What are you smiling about?”

Steve refrains from holding Billy’s hand. “I love seeing you talk about the things you love to do.”

Steve notices Billy’s cheeks heat up. The two move on and continue walking. The air is cold and the only thing keeping him warm is the hot coffee between his fingers. Billy’s wearing the sherpa denim jacket that Steve had got him for Christmas. Steve opted to layer up this time with a crewneck sweatshirt underneath his bomber jacket. 

“Right here is the final stretch, once I’m finished turning into that last gate, I have to punch it as fast as I can to the finish.” They walk to the end of the stretch and Steve makes a little ‘okay now what’ look with his face. “I’m gonna walk it a couple more times to make sure I didn’t miss anything. You think you can go back to the car and take everything out? I can’t have anything loose rolling around.”

“Sure thing. See you in a bit?” Billy nods his head and starts running back to the starting point. Steve hasn’t ever been more eager to see that boy behind the wheel of a car. 

\- : -

Billy comes back a little while later to see Steve passed out in a fold out chair with an open bag of Doritos in his lap. Without thinking he grabs a small blanket and throws it over the top of him. Billy still has to go through tech and there’s an hour at least before the race is actually going to start, so he lets Steve rest. 

“Well isn’t that adorable.” A voice says from behind him. It’s Ron again.

“Yeah, I guess he’s not used to being up so early.” Billy replies trying to hide how he was startled. He nearly let his guard down and would’ve kissed Steve’s head if Ron hadn’t said anything. 

“Well I’m sure he’ll be wide awake once he hears all the tires screechin’ out there.”

Billy played with his hands subconsciously trying to calm himself down. “Well I was just about to go through tech so I guess I’ll see you out on the course.”

“Yeah, see you later Hargrove.”

Billy never got into his car so quickly in his life. 

\- : -

Steve was startled awake by the loud roar of the Camaro’s engine. 

“It’s about time you woke up. We’re starting in about twenty minutes if you want to go sit with all the other spectators. Or you can join me in grid. You probably won’t have as good a view though.” Billy is sitting in the driver’s seat with his arm hanging out of the open window. There’s now “82 ASP” poorly written in green painters tape along the side of the car. “What’ll it be?”

Steve stretched his arms up and as far as he could, trying to pull himself out of that post sleep daze.

“I’ll go watch with the spectators you go have fun!” Steve said stifling a yawn. Billy just laughed and put the car in gear. 

Steve looked around the venue and he didn’t see anybody around. They were alone. 

“Wait!” Steve shouted before Billy could put his foot to the pedal. He got up and out of the chair and moved over to Billy’s open window and ducked down. “Nobody’s around.” Steve said and he moved his head in slowly, giving Billy ample opportunity to tell him to stop. He didn’t.

Steve gave Billy a short peck on the lips. They were cold and chapped from the freezing air. Steve pulled back and slapped the hood of the car. 

“Good luck out there.”

\- : -

Steve has known fear very well for a long time. He’s encountered monsters from other dimensions. He’s encountered Russian terrorists. He’s nearly died more times than the average person. Yet for some reason seeing Billy in his Camaro flooring it around sharp corners causing tires to slip and slide along the rough asphalt was just as terrifying as everything else on his long list of fears. He’s almost lost Billy once, and he doesn’t plan on doing it again. So seeing his boyfriend voluntarily take part in something so reckless made him scared and very angry. 

But then he’ll catch a far away glance as his boyfriend steps out of the car. Pulling off a bright orange helmet. His hair looking completely fucked. With a massive grin on his face, shaking with exhilaration. And that was why it was okay. He rarely, if ever, saw that look. It wasn’t safe. It was completely stupid. But Billy was glowing and Steve would be a terrible boyfriend if he tried to take that away from him.

It also sucks knowing that if Steve asked him to stop racing all together, he would. He would give up every joy he had in life to keep Steve happy and as nice as that sounds, Steve hated it. He hated that Billy didn’t care too much for himself. They’ve had to have many conversations about how Billy  _ is _ deserving of love and happiness. That who he is is good enough. 

So Steve sucks in a deep breath as he watches Billy fly around bright orange cones and he smiles. Just like he pictures Billy doing the same from behind the wheel. 

“So Steve, how are you enjoying yourself so far?” The kind woman next to him asks. He assumes she must be Dan’s wife, she’s got Katie and Gina beside her on a blanket scribbling in their individual coloring books. “I’m Bernadette by the way.”

“It looks exciting. What do the letters on the cars mean?”

“Those signal what class you’re racing in. You see this guy in the civic is racing E Prepared. He’s had a lot of modifications done to where the car is no longer street legal. Billy is running A Street Prepared. He’s tweaked a couple things but for the most part it’s all stock and still street legal. The classes are there to keep competition fair.”

Steve nods and stares back at the open course. He watches as cones go flying in the air and people run out in front of fast moving cars to set them back in their proper place.  _ Oh Billy better not be doing that. _

“What’s that look?” She asks.

Steve lets out a heavy sigh. “It all looks so dangerous.”

She laughs a little bit. He’s not too sure how much he likes her so quickly brushing off his concern. “It looks like it from here but they’re barely ever breaking past 50 miles an hour. I’ve never seen anything bad happen and I’ve been coming here for a long time. It’s an open lot and there’s nothing out there for them to hit. They’re not going nearly fast enough to flip over. It’s safer than it looks.”

Somehow that calms some of the nerves in the pit of his stomach. He distracts himself from how nervous Billy makes him whenever he hears the tires drift by focusing on just how  _ hot _ Billy looks behind the wheel of the Camaro. 

“Hey, since Dan and Billy are cone runners for the afternoon shift do you want to join the girls and I for some lunch?”

_ Oh so Billy  _ **_would_ ** _ be doing  _ **_that._ **

“I’ll have to let Billy know but sure. That sounds great.” He’d rather not be a witness to Billy being run over by a car.

“That’s great! Hey girls look! Daddy’s up next.”

\- : -

Billy was happy to hear that Steve would be joining Bernadette and the girls for lunch. It meant that he was comfortable which was one of Billy’s biggest worries coming into this. He was also relieved Steve didn’t have to watch him run for scattered cones because he can just picture Steve flipping his chair in the air even if the next car is on the complete other end of the course. 

He was paired with Dan. Billy liked Dan. He was so much unlike the other guys. Perhaps that was due to him living in a house surrounded by females, but he was ridiculously kind. He was all about building up everyone around him. Giving out free advice to newcomers, congratulating the winner when he inevitably loses (that’s what you get for driving an automatic), and taking spectators out for their first ride along. He was a good man. 

But the two of them never really talked much. 

If asked about Billy Hargrove, many of these people would describe him as very quiet. He never really wandered too far from his place in the lot. He just came, he raced, he left.

He had always been afraid to speak to others around his father. There was always this rule of “don’t speak unless spoken to.” That was something he carried with him when it came to interacting with the very men his father was friends with. He’d engage in polite conversation when approached but he didn’t veer too far from that. As time went on he loosened up a bit. But everyone would still say he was quiet. 

Dan was quiet too, but it wasn’t the same kind of quiet. Billy would describe it more as less confrontational. Fights broke out sometimes between drivers occasionally, and Dan would have nothing to say. He didn’t like to involve himself in other people's business.

That’s why when he said what he said to Billy, it shocked him to his very core.

“I know you and the Steve kid aren’t just roommates.”

Ok so Billy was also shocked for the obvious other reasons.

They had been so careful. He knew he shouldn’t have let him kiss him out in the open like that.

Billy’s eyes had grown wide and he felt his heart beating out of his chest. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t say anything. The whole world seemed to just stop in place and his whole body went completely numb.

_ Deny. Deny. Deny. _

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He managed to force out.

_ Deny. Deny. Deny. _

“Look, Bill. I went to an event in Chicago a few months back and ran into your Dad. He’d said you ‘ran off with another queer’ and when you mentioned the two of you moved out together I was able to put two and two together.”

_Fuck._ _That’s what you get for telling the truth._

Billy was shaking. Tightly gripping the inside of his jacket pockets. Tears welling in his eyes. Desperately hoping for the next car to hit a cone so he could run the hell away from this conversation. But when that didn’t happen he audibly choked on the sob he just couldn’t hold in any longer. His father always found a way to ruin everything for him. So he braced for impact.

But then there was a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey, hey, kid. Calm down it’s okay.” Thank god there was no one near them. It definitely helped that the loud roar of cars pushing their limit drowned out whatever horrible sounds that were now uncontrollably escaping Billy’s body. Dan pulled him into his side and tightly squeezed. Dan was a large man. Big and tall his embrace fully engulfed Billy’s small frame. “Ah kid I’m sorry I didn’t mean to spook you. I’m not going to pretend to understand, but whoever you decide to take to bed with you is frankly none of my concern.”

He let go of Billy and gave him a strong pat on his back. 

“I just wanted to tell you that should you ever decide to tell people what you two are to each other, that you have me and Bernie in your corner.” Billy tried to relax but he was so overwhelmed. He went from perfectly fine, to fearing for his life, to whatever this was in just a matter of less than sixty seconds. Billy has only ever had two men treat him with this much care and kindness through the duration of his life. Steve and Jim Hopper. It was something so foreign to him. Men were never safe. Men were all just like his father except for the rare occasions that they  _ weren’t  _ and when those happened Billy didn’t know what to do with himself. It wasn’t part of the norm that he’d curated in his mind all of his life. “Also, Gina and Katie absolutely adore you and I don’t think any one of us are strong enough against the two of them.”

Billy laughed through a sob, aggressively wiping away at his tears with the sleeves of his denim jacket. Dan is rubbing circles into his back while Billy is desperately trying to regain some sense of composure. He doesn’t notice when Dan pulled out a cigarette and offered it to him.

“Here kid, you look like you need it.”

“Thanks.”

Weirdly enough sucking smoke directly into his lungs made it so much easier to breathe. 

“Look, what do you say you and Steve join the Mrs. and I for dinner in the trailer. We’re cooking up some burgers and,” He paused and scruffed up his hair. “the two of you can be yourselves there.”

Billy took in a lengthy deep breath. 

“Are you sure?” Is all Billy could ask. It’s more than just a question about imposing on their night. It’s chalked full of so much more. Are you sure you’re okay with this? Are you sure you’re not gonna turn around and beat my ass? 

“Yeah kid. I’m sure.”

\- : -

Bernadette had a similar talk with Steve, although Steve took it much better than Billy had. It helped that he’d only just met this woman. But still he felt that sudden panic deep down at how Billy would react.

Billy had gotten so much better over the last couple of years about not resorting to violence. When they moved to Portland, Steve had convinced Billy to start therapy and boy did that do wonders. Not just for his anger management, but just  _ everything. _

He allowed himself to soften up. It was nice having someone other than Steve be there to drill into his skull that he is deserving of love and happiness. His father was becoming a more distant memory. It was still hard. But it was better.

But there were still times when Steve would see his hands ball up into fists and the veins pop out on his forehead. But he was always able to restrain himself from moving any further. But this was a different situation than those others. This was too vulnerable. So Steve just hoped and prayed that he could hear Steve’s voice telling him that everything would be okay. Telling him to unclench his fists and relax because at the end of the day. He still has Steve.

When Bernadette brought him aside while the girls went to play on one of the arcade machines, all he could mutter was “Oh.”

“It’s a fucked up world we live in. People are dying on the streets and no one seems to care simply because of the person they love. It’s bullshit and I will have no part of it.” She pulled Steve into a hug. He was stiff and unmoving. Here this total stranger had her arms wrapped around him and if it were any other situation it would be entirely unwelcome. 

But it felt  _ really good _ . When Steve had come out to his mother she wasn’t  _ not  _ accepting. But she never truly gave him this kind of reassurance. She answered with a simple “okay” and “let’s change the subject.” and she sure as shit didn’t hug him.

“Billy’s a quiet boy. But he was a lot quieter when his father was around. I like to think that you played a part in that.” She let him go from her embrace when a small Katie ran up and tugged on the hem of her shirt.

“Two more quarters mommy?”

“What do we say?”

“Puhleeaaassseee.” 

She dropped a dollar's worth of quarters into her open hands and Katie’s big brown eyes lit up. She quickly ran off towards Gina and shouted thank you multiple times the whole way there.

“You’ll join us for dinner? We’d really love to get to know the  _ real _ you.”

Steve smiled. “I’ll have to ask Billy, but I’d love to.” He looked down at his feet and back up to meet her eyes. “Thank you.”

\- : -

Steve was absolutely thrilled to learn that Billy had already agreed. And slightly shocked. Billy wasn’t like Steve. He didn’t like to talk about himself unless it was all lies to paint a pretty picture of whoever Billy was pretending to be at that moment in time. He didn’t like to get into the real shit. Authenticity was vulnerability and any confidence anyone might have seen from Billy was all just for show. He was shy and he was private and yet here he was, agreeing to a dinner where he was asked to be real and true. With people he had no intention of being real and true with just an hour ago.

And it was all because he would get to hold Steve’s hand in his. Because he didn’t have to worry whether they were sitting too close to each other. It could be just like it was at home. If there was an opportunity for just one space for Billy to be  _ him. _ He was going to jump on it no matter how uncomfortable it might be at first.

The presence of two little firecrackers that call themselves Gina and Katie definitely lightened the mood.

“So boys, please, tell us how you too got together. I wanna hear all about it.”

Okay yeah. This was very weird. Talking about their relationship to other people that weren’t close friends was something they didn’t do. They weren’t ashamed, they weren’t embarrassed, just nobody had ever cared to ask. Yet here they were, wedged inside a trailer booth eating hamburgers straight off the grill being asked to tell their love story like it was nothing at all.

But they weren’t ashamed. And they had no reason to be scared.

“We actually hated each other when we first met. Barely a week into him being in Hawkins he’d beat my face in.” Steve started. 

“But I  _ apologized _ . Also, you punched me first.”

“Don’t start an argument you’re gonna lose Billy.”

Bernadette’s eyes darted back and forth between the two.

“God you’re such an old married couple.”

The two looked at each other and laughed. The tension in the room eased just a little bit.

“Anyway. Yes. He apologized and I sort of half forgave him and we spent the last months of senior year just kind of existing far away from each other.”

“But then I got into an accident.”

Everyone at the table physically leaned in. Even little Katie and Gina, with their matching wide brown eyes.

“There was this explosion at the local mall and I got stuck inside, almost died.”

“He saved a really good friend of mine.” Billy was tensing a little bit for entirely new reasons. It was hard for him to talk about that night, even though it was being told in half truths. And Steve was in a situation where it was okay to soothe his boyfriend with a gentle hand on the small of his back, so he did. “I also knew his little sister pretty well and I was the one who took her there to visit him in the hospital.”

They all had this shocked expression on their faces. 

“Are you okay now?”

Billy sighed. “Physically? Only a little minor aches now and then. Nothing ibuprofen can’t make go away.”

Dan seemed to pick up on the meaning of that sigh. “And mentally?”

He let out a pained chuckle. “I’m getting there.”

“Continue the story!!” Gina yelled in anger. 

Amazing segway. 

“Hah. Anyways, Billy and I had a chance to connect during that time spent driving Max back and forth. I learned that he’d actually changed and was eventually ready to forgive the other half.”

Steve glanced back at the girls who were desperately waiting for the romance like it was some Disney princess movie. 

“And I wish this part was more interesting for you girls but I just kind of kissed him. Like that’s it. No grand gesture. We were just hanging out in the hospital and I just felt like I had to. Then we just… started dating and some bad things happened and we moved away together.”

The girls shrugged and seemed satisfied enough anyway. Bernadette seemed to have more questions.

“What kind of bad stuff?”

Steve stalled. Looked at Billy. He looked at the girls. Looked back and Bernadette and Dan.

“I don’t know if I should…” he trailed off.

Bernadette managed to pick up on the clues and ushered some very disappointed little girls to bed. But really. They shouldn’t have to hear this. 

“Billy you don’t have to-“

“How would you describe my Dad?” He cut Steve off. Looked to Dan and waited for an answer. Bernadette had just reentered the room.

Dan was quick. “A hardass. Kind of a jerk. Why?”

Billy looked back over to Steve and he had that look. The look Steve knew. The look that said  _ I can’t do it please help me. _

“He abused him. Ever since he was-“

“Thirteen.” Billy finished through clenched teeth. He exhaled sharply. “Before we left he’d somehow figured out about the two of us and he beat me up pretty bad. My little sister found me passed out and covered in my own blood. That’s when I knew that we couldn’t stay in that place.”

“He moved in with me for a little while, but with his Dad so close it just… didn’t feel safe anymore.”

At a certain point their hands had found each other. Clasped together sitting in the middle of the table a their only grounding force. Bernadette reached across the table to add in her own.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that kiddo.”

Dan is staring back at them with glossy eyes and anger rising from his stomach onto his face. 

“I called that man a friend.”

“It’s okay, you had no way of knowing.”

He slammed his fist hard on the tabletop causing dishes to clank against the hard surface and glasses of water to splash around. “But someone should have. My God, thirteen? I’ll kill him. I let that man around my  _ daughters. _ ” 

The sound made Billy flinch. Echoes of shattering glass bouncing off the walls of his skull sending him back to that night in ‘86 when Neil Hargrove slammed a lamp over his head. He tightened his grip of Steve’s hand. 

“My sister is still there with him. She’s only sixteen now. It was so hard to leave her there and I feel guilty about it every fucking day. She promised me she would call if he ever did something, but I’m terrified that she’ll end up just like me. Convinced no one around her cares if she lives or dies and refuses to tell anyone. And I’m nowhere near to help her.” Billy wipes away at a tear hanging from his lower lash. “You can’t feel guilty for not knowing. Because if you do that makes me so much worse.”

Steve hated that part. Billy was willing to put his own life on the line for Max and Billy’s guilt about leaving hurt Steve too. Because it was Steve that begged him to go, and partly for his own selfish reasons. Because he couldn’t lose Billy. Not when he just got him.

“Billy didn’t have a choice. He had to get out of there. He knows it, I know it, and Max knows it. It’s hard to accept but the sole person at fault for all of this is Neil. Not Billy, not you, not his step mother, not his birth mother. 

“Sure there were things they could have done, but at the end of the day it was Neil’s fists. And believe me, we tried to get him locked up, but we came up empty. The best we can do is trust that Max is strong and if that’s not enough, trust the other people in her life to notice.”

Dan and Bernadette remained speechless. They all kind of stared at each other in complete silence as the situation just became so very real. Billy has trails of tears running slowly down his cheeks. Crying. Something he’s gotten better at doing. 

Something about the mood has completely shifted. There’s a bond forming. They can feel it in their bones. Reminiscent of the time Robin came out to Steve. And subsequently returned the favor several months later. She knew something of his that he couldn’t take back and it changed the entire dynamic. She morphed from coworker to friend to family with one single confession. And the trust sealed that bond.

That’s how this felt. With Bernadette refusing to move her hand away from where theirs sat together. Dan blaming himself when he had no reason to. It was just like that night in the bathroom stalls where a drugged up Robin told him her secret. Like the night on Steve’s porch where Steve had his sexuality crisis. The comfort and the reassurance was everything. It was family. The one they never got to have.

“I still think we should kill him.” Dan broke the too long silence. 

Suddenly everything felt like it was not only going to be okay. But things were just going to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is still in progress but I should be able to finish it sometime within the next week. Comments and Kudos are appreciated <3
> 
> find me on tumblr; mourntheantagonist


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let’s take a break from all that angst. well I mean, I wrote it so there’s still going to be angst... BUT there’s also some good tooth rotting fluff and a little bit of horny content so get ready!!

**1987: Packwood Day 3**

Steve totally blew Billy last night.

They were on some kind of high following their conversation with Dan and Bernadette. Just that weight being lifted just barely off of his shoulders made Billy so light and happy. And that made Steve extra fucking horny. 

So yeah. Steve fully pinned Billy down on the floor inside the tent and sucked his dick like it was a fucking popsicle on an 80 degree day.

But the next morning was very far from an 80 degree day. Steve woke up shivering under the sleeping bag. Part of that had to do with the fact that in his sex induced craze he fell asleep wearing nothing but a pair of briefs. The other part had to do with the fact that his personal human space heater was nowhere to be seen.

Steve glanced at his watch through tired eyes. The blurry blobs eventually focused enough for it to read 11:16. 

Wait. Didn’t Billy race at ten?

Why wouldn’t he wake him?

Steve quickly threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater and stumbled out of the tent as fast as he could. Only to find Billy reading a magazine in a chair beside his car.

“Fuck did I miss it?”

Billy looked up from his magazine to find Steve as a complete disheveled mess. His hair unstyled and a sock on only one foot. He laughs at the sight.

“Relax, I don’t start until noon. I figured you didn’t need to be awake for all the technical stuff.” Billy gives Steve a once over. “You should probably at the very least put some shoes on.”

Steve looks down at his appearance. 

“I’ll be a minute.”

Steve comes out of the tent a little while later, this time with socks and shoes on  _ both _ feet. 

“I grid in like five minutes. You want to sit with the spectators again?”

No.

No, he had another idea.

“Get in the car.”

“What?”

“Just get in the car Billy.”

Billy gave him a weird facial expression but obliged. Tossing his magazine onto the top of his tool box and sliding into the driver’s seat. Steve got into the passenger seat. As soon as the doors closed Steve was buckling himself up.

“You,” he pointed at Billy. “are going to take me for a ride today.” Steve reached over the center console and grabbed Billy’s crotch over his jeans. “And when we get home, I’m going to take you for one.”

Billy’s entire body was heating up and all he could do was aggressively nod his head with the biggest fucking grin imaginable. Fighting every urge not to just drag him into the backseat and have his way with him. 

Wiping away at sweaty palms and ignoring his half hard dick under the pressure of Steve’s hand, he turned the key in the ignition. 

“Well we better get you a fucking helmet then.”

\- : -

Steve was not prepared for just how loud it was going to be. If you thought one car revving its engine was loud, try thirty. Simultaneously. 

Billy had snagged an old white helmet off the back of the club trailer for Steve to wear. The inside padding squished his cheeks and he probably looked absolutely ridiculous. (He did). Billy failed to tell him he didn’t have to put it on until they were actually in the car. So now Steve had taken it off and there was really no saving his hair. 

“So I am going to take the first three runs alone, and you can join me for the fun run. Sounds good?”

“Fun run?”

“Just means it’s not timed.”

Steve nodded and watched idly as Billy got everything set up. Pulling gloves onto his hands and starting the car to let it warm up. The entire covered area was filling up with the scent of gasoline and burnt rubber and it was oddly satisfying. Looking around seeing all the different cars lined up in rows by number. It was hard to recognize many of the people because a lot of them had already put their helmets on or were sitting inside their cars. 

Billy put his helmet on. Bright orange to match the very cones that littered the course. Billy slid inside the passenger seat and harnessed himself in. Steve watched as he adjusted the steering wheel and his seat. Every movement Billy made was so completely meticulous. Everything had to be exactly right. 

“Hey Steve, glad you decided to join us.” Dan came up from behind. “You riding with Billy today?”

“Sure am.”

Steve was visibly nervous. After seeing Billy strap himself into the car like he was getting onto a roller coaster where life wasn’t a guaranteed outcome, who wouldn’t be? 

“Billy sure don’t look it, but he’s a safe driver. You’ll be fine out there kid. Hell, you’d probably have a blast with just about everyone here save for Dwight. That guy is always getting DNF’s.”

Steve doesn’t even bother asking what a DNF is. 

“Hey Steve they’re about to have me pull forward. You can go watch over by the trailer.” 

Steve gave the hood of the car a good slap and headed over to the big white trailer where everyone was gathered. Steve stood by with crossed arms, ignoring the cars on course and instead watching the lineup waiting for the familiar blue Camaro to pop into his sight. He listened to the announcers speak in the background.

“Coming through the final stretch in the ‘74 Datsun 260Z is Eddie Pearson with a 52.653. Out on course we have Joey Maywood, son of Aaron Maywood. Joey got his permit only four weeks ago and is already giving his father a run for his money. Getting ready at the start we’ve got Jessica Miller sporting the burgundy corvette proving day after day that women  _ can _ drive. Let’s see if she can compete with the boys today.”

_ Misogyny. Lovely. _

Steve watches Jessica pull out from the start. She’s sure to give the starter a good burnout before taking off. The cars behind her move forward and he sees the Camaro pull around the corner. Just three cars ahead of him. Steve let the announcer's voice echo in the background and watched intently from afar as Billy drummed his fingertips on the steering wheel. 

He’s pulled from the trance when he hears his boyfriends name come out over the speakers.

“Billy Hargrove waiting at the start in his 1979 Camaro Z28. Hargrove performed very well yesterday, let’s see if the young blood can take home the win today.”

Just ten seconds later, Billy was burning rubber and flooring it. Steve’s view of the entire course was slightly hindered from where he was standing, but the sounds of the engine and tires against the asphalt was much louder. 

Steve knew nothing about autocross. Only what Billy had told him. But something seemed off.

Yesterday he was smooth. Looked like second nature going around every corner with ease. Weaving in and out through the cones swiftly. Now, it just looked messy. That was evident by the flying cone after the first turn. Several followed throughout the duration of the run and Steve could just feel the anger building up inside Billy. Something was wrong. 

“Coming in with a total of three cones is Billy Hargrove with a 57.981 however three seconds will be added to the final time.”

Steve rushed over from the trailer to meet Billy back in grid. Billy was fuming.

“Hey Billy you good? I thought you  _ weren’t  _ supposed to hit the cones.”

Billy practically ripped his helmet off and threw it into the passenger seat. He leaned his head forward and rested it on the steering wheel.

“Not in the mood for jokes Steve.”

“Hey hey, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know! I was awful out there. Maybe the tires were just cold? Fuck!”

Billy was more embarrassed than angry about his performance. At least if it had happened yesterday he wouldn’t have to look Steve in the eyes afterwards. But Steve was right there, seeing Billy throw his little pity party over just a couple of cones.

“Hey.” Steve nudged Billy’s shoulder. “It’s just the first run. That’s like… practice. Right? You’ll get it on the next one.”

Billy groaned. “Hopefully.”

\- : -

Billy did  _ not _ get it on the next one. In fact, he did even worse. Completely spinning out in the middle of the course leading to the waving of red flags and resulting in a DNF. Apparently that meant ‘did not finish’.

When Billy pulled in to meet Steve this time he just stared at him. It was hard to tell through his helmet but he didn’t look angry this time. He looked sad. 

“Steve hop in.”

“I thought I wasn’t riding with you until the fourth one.”

“You aren’t. Just get in for a second okay?”

Steve walked around the back end of the car and got into the passenger seat. 

“Okay what-“

“I need you to kiss me.”

“Huh?”

Billy gripped the steering wheel tight. Leaning all the way back in his seat so his arms were completely outstretched. He wasn’t looking to Steve. He was completely entranced by the bright red tail light of the car directly in front of him.

“I know it sounds stupid. But yesterday you kissed me and… fuck, I did better than I ever had in a long time. I need you to do it again.”

Steve looks at him incredulously.

“I didn’t take you for the superstitious type Billy Hargrove.”

“Just shut up and kiss me before anyone sees.”

Steve didn’t have to think twice before pulling Billy’s helmet up by the chin to expose his mouth, planting a wet kiss to his lips in one swift motion. It was so quick had anyone been looking through the windshield they couldn’t be sure if it really was a kiss or not. 

“Good luck out there.” Steve said, just like before. He could see the smile creep on Billy’s face and he just hoped that Billy was right. He really didn’t want to be in the car with a grumpy Billy behind the wheel. Steve shoved Billy’s helmet away and got out of the car. He mouthed “I love you” before watching Billy drive off.

\- : -

Steve waited anxiously for the starters to give Billy the go ahead. He stood there biting his fingernails and hoping against all hope that Billy had his mojo back. Steve’s favorite thing was watching Billy succeed. After everything that happened with the case against his father. Being told that there was simply not enough evidence to convict despite multiple witnesses testimony and the physical damage done to Billy. There was plenty of evidence. But by the time it was all going down, word about their relationship had already spread across town, and no judge would rule in favor of the local queer.

Billy had known too much loss. First his mother. Then his friends and his hometown. Then he lost his reputation and then he lost his sister after nearly losing his life. It wasn’t until they had moved thousands of miles from Hawkins that Billy knew success. Getting hired on at a car dealership practically on the spot. Getting approved for a loan on a fairly nice two bedroom house with a garage just outside of downtown. Finding a therapist that helped put all his broken pieces back together. He’d finally known success and was just anxiously waiting day after day for it all to crumble beneath him because loss was so familiar. 

Every little success, whether it be as big as securing a high paying job that he was actually good at, to as little as placing first at an autocross event, made Billy soar. The joy at another loss averted. Steve would give everything he had to make sure Billy never lost anything important ever again. 

This was important to him. So he couldn’t lose.

Then Billy put the pedal to the metal and the difference was astoundingly clear.

Every turn was seamless. Braking and accelerating at exactly the right times. It was almost elegant. The way the car's body shifted from side to side through the slalom. Watching as one tire lifted off the ground ever so slightly around a turn. Tires sliding to his advantage leaving tread marks on the asphalt below. It was an incredible change from the previous two runs he had watched. This was the Billy who looked the mind flayer in the eye. The Billy who was strong enough to break free from possession and save El and probably the universe. The Billy who knew his strength and knew how to use it. 

“Coming in with a clean run, Billy Hargrove with a 49.032. Fastest time of the day for ASP and it appears he will be placing first in his class just ahead of Jessica Miller. The lesson here I guess is that Chevy’s are the superior autocross vehicle.”

Steve didn’t listen to all of that though. He was too busy running towards Billy. He had to get a look at that smile he just knew was plastered on Billy’s face. 

“You fucking killed it!” Steve screamed over the sounds of all the running motors.

“Thanks to you.”

“I kind of feel a bit used y’know. You’ll have to make it up to me later.”

Billy grabbed him by the sleeve through his open window.

“Get that helmet on and I will.”

Steve shoved the white paint-chipped helmet over his head, feeling the padding suffocate him once more. As soon as he sat down in his seat, he felt a ball of anxiety growing in the pit of his stomach. It’s the same feeling you get when you sit down on that one scary rollercoaster. That feeling when you reach the top of the steady climb just before the drop. Steve buckled his seat belt and looked to Billy for further instruction.

“So, you’re probably going to want to hold on to the grab handle and keep your feet out to brace yourself. You’re gonna get thrown around a lot but you’ll be fine I promise.”

Steve buckled himself in (he didn’t get a harness like Billy had). He took in a deep calming breath. 

“Hey.” Billy said softly. He reached over the gear shift and took Steve’s hand. Rubbing circles with his thumb. “I promise it’s safe, okay? I wouldn’t put you in danger. You know that.”

“Yeah. Yeah. I know.” Steve gave his hand a squeeze before letting go. “Don’t you dare hold back on me now.”

“If you insist.”

\- : -

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!”

Steve’s entire body was jerked backwards as Billy slammed his foot down on the gas. He was holding the grab handle for dear life as each turn tossed his entire body from side to side. 

“Oh my GOD! OH JESUS!!”

His entire stomach dropped to the floor as Billy drifted around a sharp corner. Billy quickly back turning in order to catch himself. Steve didn’t see that because his eyes had slammed shut as soon as Billy started.

Steve was screaming. And Billy was laughing. Maniacally. 

“HOW DID YOU CONVINCE ME TO DO THIS?”

Billy just continued to laugh. He was giving Steve a show. Not being focused on what his time would be allowed him to take liberties around some of the corners for a little drifting. Steve did not seem to enjoy it though.

“It’s alright Stevie it’s almost over!” Billy said in between fits of laughter. 

Billy was sure to floor it as fast as he could through the final stretch while Steve cursed at him. Billy quickly put on the breaks once he crossed the finish and Steve’s body was completely jerked forward. By the time the car had slowed to a stop, Steve was still tightly gripping the handle.

“You can open your eyes now Stevie.”

Steve slowly opened his eyes and loosened his grip from above his head. 

“Why did you let me do this?” Steve asked between shaky breaths.

“You  _ insisted _ Steve!”

“I was  _ horny! _ You know I can’t be held accountable for what I do and say when I’m  _ horny. _ ”

Billy scoffed. “Well does that mean you won’t be holding up your end of the bargain?”

Steve ripped off his helmet and tossed it into the backseat. “I was going to do that regardless.”

Billy pulled off his helmet and threw it back to join Steve’s. “Your hair looks awful Steve.” Billy laughed.

“Well yours isn’t looking too great either asshole.”

\- : -

When the race had officially concluded, they drove back to their place in the lot and started to prepare to leave. Steve expected there to be some kind of ceremony or something to congratulate the winners.  _ His winner.  _ But all they got was an announcement over the loudspeakers and apparently that was just fine with Billy. That meant something. What it meant was that Billy truly was out there driving for himself. There was no reward for driving the fastest time of the day other than how it made you feel. Billy didn’t race for money or a trophy. He raced because it made him feel good. It made him proud of himself. And today it also made Steve proud.

While Steve worked on disassembling the tent, Billy was switching the tires back. They operated in mostly silence, both trying to ignore the pent up arousal considering they still had to survive the two hour long car ride home. They spent the time giving each other looks. Ignoring the beads of sweat forming on the backs of their necks. Quickly and swiftly packing everything up into the back of the Camaro so they could get on with it. 

“Hey Steve?” Billy said, getting up from the ground where he had just been sitting. He was fiddling with the wrench in his hands and looking down at the floor nervously. “I wanna tell Gerry. Y’know, about us. Before we leave. I want her to hear it from me just… in case.”

Steve was suddenly no longer horny. Now he was worried. 

“Are you sure?” Steve’s voice was soft. 

“Yeah. I think so.”

This was big. Not just because it was Gerry. Not because she was an older woman. Not because she was practically family. In fact it had absolutely nothing to do with Gerry. This was huge because Billy had never actually  _ told  _ anyone before. 

People always just found out. Steve found out from Max, who found out from some questionable magazines under his bed. Neil had found out after a coworker spotted the two of them parked at the quarry. By the time Billy had left the hospital for the second time news had spread around the whole town. And now Dan and Bernadette had also come to the conclusion on their own. Billy never had the choice of who got to know and when. Steve did. He was the one who told the kids about him and Billy. His parents were so detached from the happenings in Hawkins Indiana that Steve was able to tell them first. He even got to come out to Robin long before him and Billy even became a thing.

And Steve remembers that feeling. No matter who the person was, it was completely terrifying. His heart literally beating out of his chest. The shakes that overcame his entire body. The tears that threatened to escape in anticipation for their reaction. It was an awful feeling. But when it was Robin and the kids, the feeling that followed was the best. That feeling of fear and anxiety immediately being washed away by a hug or a reassuring smile. He wanted for Billy to feel that and he really hopes that Gerry can give that to him.

“Do you want me there with you?”

“No. I think I should do it on my own. Think you can finish packing up the car?”

Steve walked towards him and gave his shoulder a squeeze. 

“Of course. You’ve got this Billy. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

\- : -

Billy wandered aimlessly for a bit before walking to where Gerry was sitting by her truck. He was running through what he wanted to say over and over again in his head. Every single time it made him more and more anxious and he either needed to rip the bandaid off now, or take the walk of shame back to Steve. 

Steve was able to do it. He even told his asshole Dad without hesitation. Why was it so hard for him and not Steve?

Billy lit a cigarette before entering Gerry’s line of sight. 

“Hey Bill, you headin’ out?”

“Uhh yeah. Steve’s getting things together right now.” Billy removed the cigarette from in between his lips and crushed it under his shoe. He took in a deep breath. “There was actually something I wanted to talk to you about.” He had to force out that last sentence.

“Well spit it out kid you’re freakin’ me out.”

Billy slowly walked closer to where she was sitting. His feet felt like they were tied down by anchors. Every feeling in his gut told him to go back, but he powered forward.

“Did you run someone over? What’s with the face?”

“I just… I need to say…” He couldn’t look at her. His eyes focused on the open book in her lap. One foot tapping its toes against the pavement. A hand gripping at the hair at the nape of his neck, trying to cause a little pain to undo the out of body feeling he was experiencing.

“Hargrove?”

“I’m gay. S-Steve isn’t… he’s not just my roommate. He’s… he’s my…”

Billy let the sentence trail off into nothingness and just stood there. He was holding his breath waiting for her reaction. He needed something.  _ Anything.  _ But she was stone cold. She just looked right back at him. 

This was a mistake. He shouldn’t have done this. It was too risky. She could turn on him and tell the whole place. By then it would be him and Steve’s safety at stake. He needed Steve here. He should’ve let Steve come with him. He needed to feel his hand in his. He needed him to tell him everything was going to be okay because it’s starting to feel like everything might crumble down on top of him at any moment.

“How stupid do you take me for Hargrove?”

“What?” 

Gerry closed her open book and set it aside. She got up out of her chair and pulled Billy into a tight hug. Her thin arms wrapping around low on his back. Her hands felt like needles against his skin. It didn’t feel real. 

“Bill I’ve known you were gay since you were a fucking kid. Don’t ask me how I knew, I just did. Seeing you makin’ those eyes at the Steve kid all but confirmed that for me.” She released him from the embrace and looked up at him, her hands still at rest upon his elbows. “Glad to know he’s yours. I didn’t know y’all were actually together, just thought you were sweet on him.”

Unsure of how to respond, Billy just stares at her just like she did to him just moments ago. She said not to ask, but how did she know? If it was clear to her was it clear to other people? 

“You love him?” She asked. Billy nodded. “He love you?” He nodded again. “Good. Now go home and let me read asshole.” She gave him a gentle slap on his cheek and walked away. 

Billy couldn’t say anything. Luckily he didn’t need to.

It wasn’t the overwhelming acceptance from Dan and Bernadette. It wasn’t the reassurance Steve had been given by Robin and the kids. It wasn’t the protection offered by Hopper. But it was still good. Because Billy actually got to say the words. Sure she claims she knew already, but that wasn’t the point. The point was Billy, for the first time, was able to offer up this most vulnerable fact of his life to another person on his own terms. He said the words aloud. It was like waking up after going to bed with a migraine to a pain free skull. That feeling of okayness that you nearly forgot the feeling of. He’d been holding that word inside him for so long. The words blocking his airways until just now when he coughed it up. And when it wasn’t thrown right into his face, well he could breathe so much easier.

\- : -

Billy was thankful that by the time he had gotten back to the car, their whole setup had already been packed up in the back of the Camaro. He needed to leave. He couldn’t handle seeing another person on the way out so he quickly jumped in the car where Steve was already sitting, and drove off.

He told Steve what happened during the ride home. And Steve was so ridiculously proud of him. Steve hopes that Billy thought this was as good of a trip as he thought it was.

Billy did.

It wasn’t the most relaxing. That feeling of being on edge wasn’t nice at all, but everything else was just perfect. Steve being there watching. Getting to sleep next to him every night. Getting to open up about himself to new people, as hard as it was, really seemed like it was going to pay off. It was kind of difficult having Steve come, but he couldn’t imagine going without him again.

“Do you think you’d want to come with me next time?” He asks reluctantly. He didn’t exactly know how all of this was making Steve feel. He knew Steve didn’t like hiding, neither did Billy. But maybe with Steve around, he could slowly start to tell people, and he wouldn’t have to hide anymore. It was idealistic, but maybe more people could surprise them just like Dan, Bernadette, and Gerry.

“I’ll have to check my work schedule but of course I would. I had a really good time Billy. I want you to know that. Now drive faster so we can get home and have an  _ even better time.” _

Billy practically floored it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could totally end it here, but I have so many ideas!! I have another chapter in the works so stay tuned!!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated!
> 
> tumblr; mourntheantagonist


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shhhhh I know it’s past Christmas IM SORRY!!  
> Just enjoy this sweet little snippet of the boys on Christmas

**1987: Christmas Day**

Billy and Steve woke up tangled in their sheets under the crisp morning air flowing in through the vents. Rays of sunlight filtering through the clouds and beating down on Billy’s back causing his golden skin to shine.

It’s their second Christmas in Portland, but it kind of feels like their first. Their actual first was spent unpacking and moving in to their new house. Their Christmas meal was served at a diner. In all the chaos, they nearly forgot to get each other gifts. Both of them having to make a Christmas Eve run to the mall and just hope there was still something left on the shelves. 

This time was better. So they would call it their first. This time they both had work off both the day of, and on the eve. This time they really honed in on their Christmas spirit. Doing every little cheesy Christmas activity they could think of because it was the first time they would actually get to. No parents choice in the matter. They went to the Christmas tree lighting in Pioneer Square, and the ZooLights at the Oregon Zoo. It was not nearly as glorious as everyone had made it out to be, but the two of them getting to experience it all for the first time together made it so.

Steve and Billy had poorly hung Christmas lights around the house. Only time they could decorate their house in rainbow colors without raising any suspicion. They picked out a Christmas tree together, the one they picked was almost too tall for their ceilings. Steve’s mom had sent over a bunch of old Christmas decorations from when Steve was a kid that they were able to spread around the house. Now they had a tree covered in Steve’s little handmade ornaments from when he was a kid. Billy swooned over the puzzle piece wreath ornament that housed a photo of a young Steve in kindergarten that hung directly next to the toilet paper roll snowflake adorned with white paint and blue glitter applied haphazardly.

The night before Christmas was spent at a drag show at Red Cap Garage in downtown. To be fair, they didn’t intend to attend the drag show. The original plan was to just hang out at the bar, but an over eager queen took Steve by the hand and dragged him on stage to serenade him with ‘Santa baby’. Billy had warned him against wearing the ridiculous Santa hat.

It was a good night that was followed with making out by the fireplace underneath multiple heavy blankets. Sharing Christmas cookies that the neighbors left on their doorstep and sipping on hot cocoa. A Christmas Story playing in the background as their lips locked with the taste of sugar and frosting fresh on their tongues. 

It was a kind of bliss they hadn’t known in a long time. 

Waking up in the cold of the morning next to the warmth of someone you loved was everything. And it was Christmas. Even better. 

Steve and Billy made breakfast together. Steve flipping the pancakes while Billy scrambled the eggs. Sharing chaste kisses each time they crossed each other in their small and compact kitchen. Which meant they kissed a lot. Billy wiping away at the batter that made its way onto Steve’s cheek with a licked thumb, making Steve's face flush a rose colored hue. Steve critiquing the eggs. Too much pepper. Not enough salt. There’s a shell in there.

“I like ‘em crunchy.” Billy adds.

“Remind me why I love you again?”

Billy kisses the top of his head and starts portioning out the eggs onto their plates. Pouring Steve a cup of coffee at a ratio that’s half coffee half creamer. Billy’s been slowly adding less and less creamer each time he makes it to see how far he can push it before Steve actually notices. He adds a spritz of peppermint syrup to the coffee for that extra festive kick. 

Despite having spent the majority of the holiday season out doing everything under the sun, they didn’t have any plans for the actual day. They were invited to go back to Indiana, but Billy wasn’t ready to potentially see Neil again. So they declined. They were celebrating alone together. And it was enough.

Opening gifts from each other, and gifts sent over to them from Hawkins, sitting cross legged by their tree wrapped in plush blankets and nursing their coffee. Steve’s parents sent them a kitchenaid mixer and a check for two hundred dollars. Or more accurately Steve’s  _ mom _ sent them the gifts and Steve’s  _ dad.  _ Just signed the card. 

Steve’s parents were shockingly okay with their relationship. It was a little more touch and go with Steve’s dad that first month after telling them. Well, considering they didn’t actually tell them and it was more like Steve’s Dad came home after a long work trip to see his son sleeping in bed with another man. 

Dennis Harrington was a traditional man. Wasn’t very fond of change. He believed there was one way of doing things, and that was the right way. There was a correct way to raise a family, and a correct way to present yourself to the world. And it took him awhile to realize that even he himself didn’t live up to the ideal that he had set and had been holding his son up to. And perhaps maybe he was wrong about the whole thing.

But even with the differing opinions on Steve’s relationship with Billy, there was never that same fear that Billy had with Neil. He never feared his father would turn to abuse as a reaction. It was something so evidently not within his nature. He was a very aloof and reserved individual. Rarely ever offering an opinion on any matter unless explicitly asked. When Dennis Harrington was upset he gave you the cold shoulder. The silent treatment. He just wouldn’t acknowledge your existence. 

That only lasted for a couple days to Steve’s surprise. Sitting Steve down on the couch of their living room and giving him his signature “to the point” speech. 

“I don’t get what all of this is. But my responsibility as a parent is to make sure that you are happy and healthy. If the Hargrove kid makes you happy. Then I accept what you two have.”

The words burned a hole into his chest. Probably not the best analogy to use. But they did. Steve had walls up that protected himself against his father’s criticism, so that they would hurt slightly less. Make less of an impact. He didn’t know that assurance and recognition would so easily tear them down. He thought him and his father would never have that kind of relationship you see in movies. Where they call each other on the phone just to hear each other’s voice. Just to ask about the other’s day. That just didn’t seem like a reality. But the walls were crumbing and a light was shining through the cracks and there was a glimmer of hope that maybe evening phone calls about everything and nothing at all could be a thing. 

His mother was a different story. The woman was an angel in Steve’s eyes. As much as he resented her absence during the most painful years of his life, she was a light that shined so bright whenever she was around. When his father put him down, his mother lifted him back up. There was never a doubt that Kathleen Harrington would follow him into his future. Daily phone calls, spontaneous visits to wherever he moved off to, her constant and unconditional support in everything. She was not a permanent fixture in his life for a long time, but she always made an effort to make sure he felt loved despite that. 

When she heard the news of him and Billy she was thrilled. Because she loved her son and every night her one wish was that her son would have a great love. She knew her son was lonely, and she knew she was to blame, so knowing there was someone in her little Steven’s life that was there for him when she wasn’t. That was all she could ask for. She didn’t give a rats ass if it was a guy. It could have been a stray cat for all she cared. As long as he wasn’t alone and he was loved. She just struggled in showing that to him at first. Mimicking her husband’s nonresponse. She regrets how she initially responded. Cold. Being so distant from her son all those years, struggling to bridge that gap she created.

Billy’s love for Steve was clear as the eyes could see. Kathleen Harrington was known for her ability to read people like an open book. Billy was no exception. He was absolutely and utterly gone for Steve. Every move, every scrunch of the nose, every little laugh out of her little boy just overtook Billy to new heights. It was clear in his eyes. Unaverted and locked in on Steve. 

She could also see the hurting. The fear when Billy crossed paths with Dennis. The flinching over something as simple as him yelling about The Colts game on TV. She’d known about the accident in the mall (or at least what they had been telling everybody) but she expected there was more there. She never thought to ask why Billy had spent every night there. Knowing Steve would tell her eventually. She wasn’t as surprised as she should have been when her little Steven came to her in the middle of the day sobbing because of the case against Neil. How they had released him from holding and Billy wasn’t safe. She held him and assured him she would do everything in her power to make sure that Neil Hargrove never got within fifty feet of Billy. 

Kathleen and Dennis gathered their own lawyers and had them on Billy’s case. Fighting tooth and nail for Billy and it not being enough. They were told they could appeal to a higher court. But Billy was done fighting. He couldn’t let it continue to drag on and expect a different outcome.

Kathleen, and interestingly Dennis, were heartbroken to hear that the two would be moving to Portland. They were heartbroken because they were finally starting to get their family back in one piece again. They were heartbroken because they knew it was the right decision. They were heartbroken because they loved Steve and they had grown to love Billy too and it was just so unfair.

But they supported them. They gave them the money they needed to start a new life. They helped them pack up their lives. And they called every time they got the chance to ask Steve about his day. To talk about nothing and everything.

Steve was happy to have his parents in his life again, even if they were thousands of miles apart. Then sending the couple a kitchenaid for Christmas was proof that they were present. Because they knew that theirs had broken just three weeks ago.

The Hopper-Byers had sent along some ridiculous homemade Christmas sweaters for the two of them. El’s idea. 

They were surprised to see some of the other packages that were placed under their tree. Never actually looking at the name when they had first dropped on their doorstep. 

Nancy had sent Steve some homemade cookies. Still somehow fresh and gooey even after sitting in the box for a week. Jonathan sent Billy some of his old tapes to quote “mellow him out a bit.”

There were gifts from Dustin and Robin and some of Steve’s extended family had sent them some cards. But the most notable package under the tree was what tore Billy’s heart in half. 

Written on the outside of a brown cardboard box. 

_ Love Max.  _

Because Billy hasn’t heard from her in over a month. The two of them both being extra busy with her in high school and him working longer shifts to help pay for Steve’s school. And he wouldn’t dare call her at the house. It was not safe. Not safe for  _ her. _

Seeing her name on a package was the breath of fresh air he needed. The signal that she was okay. That she hadn’t forgotten their deal. He felt bad he couldn’t send her anything but a card that she couldn’t take home with her. 

Steve was cozying up next to Billy as he opened up the box. Peeling the duct tape with care like the box held an expensive piece of artwork. 

Inside the box held an old stuffed bear with a little note attached. 

_ “This is mine from when I was little. My mom wants me to get rid of him so I’m sending him to you. I know it’s not much. He’s helped me a lot. And you’ve done a good job at protecting me. I know I can trust you to protect him too. _

_ His name is Jo.  _

_ I love you Billy, Merry Christmas. _

_ P.S. Tell my brother-in-law I love him too.” _

Billy wiped away a stray tear and held the bear to his chest. For the first time since they moved away he felt close to his sister. Like the distance didn’t feel so far anymore. Because they had this stupid little stuffed bear named Jo as the teather. She gave him something that he  _ could  _ do for her. Even if it was just holding on to a little memento from her childhood, he felt just slightly less useless to her. 

Steve wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him in with a kiss to his temple.

“She called you her brother-in-law again.” Billy says with a smile. Tears of happiness still lingering on his cheeks waiting to be wiped away by the brush of Steve’s thumb. 

“Well maybe one day they’ll let me be.” 

“One day. They will. I just know it.”

Steve gives Billy a smile and brings him in by the nape of his neck for a short but deep kiss. The thought of marrying Billy just hitting something inside his chest. 

“Ok. Now you gotta open my gift.” Billy slides the poorly wrapped gift toward him. Steve is not like Billy. Not careful with unwrapping gifts. He eagerly tears the paper apart like it might run off if he’s not quick enough. 

Inside are a bunch of heavy flannels. It wouldn’t be much if you didn’t know the meaning behind the gesture. 

Steve traces his fingers along the fabric. It’s soft.

“I figured you might need some if you were going to come with me again.” Billy says. Steve is still staring at the shirts. Holding back the tears as he lets his fingers glide across the buttons.

They had talked about Steve joining him again. But two races had passed since then and Steve didn’t attend with him. This. This was the reminder that he needed that Billy still wanted him there. It’s not just a stupid flannel. It’s so much more.

Steve just pulls Billy back in with both arms. Squeezing tight and burying his face in his shoulder. 

“Now open mine before I start crying over flannel.”

Billy just laughs and grabs the little bag that’s nestled near the back of the tree. Steve couldn’t complain about Billy’s wrapping job when he didn’t even make an attempt. 

Inside the bag are four large magnets and six smaller ones, each a duplicate of another. They are bright orange with a cool checkered pattern.  _ 82 asp.  _

“I had them made for you. I thought it was better than painter's tape.”

“These are amazing. Thank you Steve.” 

They were amazing. Both their gifts to each other being so simple on the outside but packing so much more once you truly understand the importance. Steve wanted nothing more than Billy to want him to be a part of his racing. Billy wanted nothing more than Steve to be a part of his racing. They gave that to each other through little symbols like flannel for the cold weather and magnets for the cars number. 

The two of them sit there for a while. Taking it all in. Staring out into the small sea of gifts that sit before them. Focusing less on the material, and more on the meaning of it all. That despite moving away and abandoning their old lives, their old lives didn’t abandon them. They still had a home back in Hawkins if they ever chose to go back. And they had a home in Portland in their little two bedroom house on the outskirts of downtown. 

As they’re cleaning up the mess of wrapping paper scraps, they hear a knock at their door.  _ Odd. _

Steve wraps his robe around himself and fixes his hair (unsuccessfully) and opens the door. He’s definitely not expecting two little girls to run past him and tackle Billy to the floor. It’s Gina and Katie.

“Girls! Come back here! I’m sorry about that Billy!”

“What are you guys doing here?” Billy asks once the girls are finally off of him.

“We were in the neighborhood and wanted to drop by some goodies.” Says Bernadette, holding up a white box.

“Oh please don’t let it be cookies.” Says Steve. They are already stocked up on enough Christmas cookies to last them into September of next year.

“Nope. Better. Bernadette’s homemade apple pie.” 

“Oh fuck yes!” 

Dan’s hands immediately try to cover the girls’ ears. Kind of hard to do with only two hands. The girls just giggle at the swear.

“Sorry! My bad.”

Dan just sighs. Knowing he’s gonna have to have another conversation on another new word that is not allowed to leave their mouths. 

Steve takes the box from Bernadette’s hands and takes it into the kitchen. Billy ushers the family inside.

“So how has the day been so far?” Bernadette asks.

“It’s been great so far. Steve got me magnets for the Camaro.”

“About time!” Dan adds. He was constantly criticizing the painter's tape. Listen. It did what it needed to do okay?

“What are your plans for the remainder of the day?”

“We’re probably just going to stay inside and relax. I have a small turkey in the oven for dinner.”

The couple nodded as Steve finally rendered the room. Taking a seat next to Billy on the loveseat, shamelessly cuddling up next to him. Billy tenses as he momentarily forgets that they can do this. They don’t have to hold that part back anymore. Billy leans into it.

“Well, we better get going kids. Gotta go to the in-laws up in Vancouver.  _ Exciting. _ ” Bernadette slaps him hard on the chest at the remark.

“Shut up, Daniel.”

“Ouch. Full name?” Billy adds.

“Yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas Steven and William.”

“Touché.”

Billy walks them out the door and as soon at they hear the car drive off Billy is pinning Steve to the front door. 

“Are you ready for your real present Stevie?”

“I’ve been dying to unwrap it all morning.” Steve says as he tugs at the hem of Billy’s pants.

The turkey ends up overcooked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. Very Filler. A lot of backstory. But I hope you still enjoy it. Wanted to do something for Christmas and I know it’s late but I Trieddddd okayyyy!
> 
> Anyway. Comments and Kudos are appreciated!!
> 
> tumblr; mourntheantagonist


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one’s a little shorter! we’re back to the racing everybody!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayo! certain lovely human being there may be a little easter egg in here for u 👀

**1988: P.I.R. Day 1**

“Bill, it’s raining.”

Billy looks over to his boyfriend who sits in the passenger seat with a pout on his face. The rain is coming down as barely even a sprinkle. More like a mist. Windshield wipers only useful every five minute.

“Someone’s observant.”

Steve scoffs and crosses his arms. He’s been in a mood since they got up this morning. Steve was all packed and ready for a long weekend trip only to find out that the track was only a whopping ten minute drive from their house. 

“Where else did you think the  **_Portland_ ** _ International Raceway  _ was located?”

Steve just dropped his duffle to the ground and walked out the front door and jumped into the Camaro. Leaving the cup of coffee Billy had poured him sitting on the counter to grow cold. 

Billy knew not to look too much into things like this with Steve. He was by no means a morning person and even though the droplets were small, rain always put him in a bad mood. 

It reminded him too much of Hawkins. Not memories of good days out with friends or at parties getting shitfaced. It reminded him of the days spent inside by himself as he watched raindrops drip on the window pane. Alone in his huge house. Nothing to do but stare at the puddles forming in potholes and being heavily reminded of his loneliness. 

Rain put him in a bad mood. It really didn’t help that they lived in the Pacific Northwest, where rain was almost an everyday thing. But today it was a little more than just the rain. It was that Billy would be racing  _ in the rain _ . Steve didn’t like that at all.

Billy oh so regrets telling Steve about the guy who spun out and crashed into a wall just two races ago. Because of the rain he hydroplaned and couldn’t stop himself. But Steve won’t listen to the rest of the story. Won’t listen to the fact that the guy has a history of pulling shit like this. Doesn’t take the road conditions into account  _ ever.  _ And he was  _ fine!  _ The car barely even sustained enough damage to warrant repair. Just a dent that was easily pulled out and a couple chips off the paint. 

Steve wants nothing more than for Billy to turn the car right around. Drive out to Peet’s and fuel him with some caffeine, considering he’d abandoned the one at home in an attempt to make a point to Billy. 

But he’s not going to ask him to do that. But he’s  _ definitely _ not going to let Billy think he’s okay with what he’s doing.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ll go slow.”

Steve huffs out a laugh. “For you, slow is five over.”

“I’ll turn around if you’re really that upset about it.”

Steve wants to scream ‘Yes! Please turn around’, but he doesn’t want to be the reason for that. Doesn’t want to be the wall standing in between Billy doing what he wants to do. He wants Billy to put up those walls himself, for himself. Value his own safety and livelihood just a little bit.

Was Steve being overdramatic? Probably. But cut him some slack. It’s eight in the morning, rain is coming down, Billy refuses to run the heat in the car, and he’s tired.  _ Should have just drank the damn coffee. _

They pull into the venue and it is absolutely nothing like the last race. Trees are replaced by buildings. The hum of traffic on the interstate is deafening. They are unmistakably still smack dab in the middle of the city, and not in Nowheresville, Washington. There’s people standing around engaged in conversation. Easily able to differentiate between locals and tourists by whether or not they’re standing under the canopy. True Oregonians don’t even own umbrellas. 

Sure, they’re technically locals, but Steve still rushed from the safety of the car to one of the covered areas, pulling his flannel up and over his head. Have to protect the hair. 

Billy followed shortly after, Steve’s raincoat in hand because  _ Billy  _ remembered to grab it. Steve always forgets. Steve begrudgingly takes it from Billy’s hands and puts it on. It’s hard to stay mad at someone when they keep being so considerate. But Steve does have a special talent for that.

“Come on you big fucking baby, let’s go get you some coffee. They’re selling some at concessions.”

Steve’s head jerks around quick enough to cause minor whiplash.

“Wait, there's concessions?”

“Yes. Not every race is just a bunch of dudes in a parking lot.”

“Is there  _ food?” _

Billy just huffs out a laugh and pulls Steve by the collar of his jacket out into the rain and towards the little concession stand by the bleachers. If there’s one way to get Steve out of a bad mood, it’s directly through his stomach.

Billy bought him a cup of coffee with extra creamer – he was still working on that – and a croissant. Steve didn’t need to know that they weren’t freshly made and came directly out of a Costco container. As his stomach filled and his body warmed up from the hot drink in his hand, his bad mood started to fade. And just like Steve, the earth had a mood change as well. Clouds parting, letting in a glimpse of sun as the rain halted.

“Look Steve, no more rain.”

“The ground is still wet.”

Billy just dramatically threw his hands in the air.  _ “Barely!”  _ He exclaimed. “Just relax and finish your croissant. I’m gonna go register.”

Steve nods and watches Billy walk away, leaving him there by himself. Coffee in one hand, half of a croissant in the other. Left to his own thoughts. His weird intrusive thoughts. Like if someone were to push him over, which would he save? The coffee or the croissant? He should just finish the croissant so he doesn’t have to ponder that question. He never liked the trolley problem.

He looks to the sky, watching the clouds continue to part revealing bright blue skies and the bright sun overhead. It was nice, but they lived here long enough to know not to hold their breath. Portland rain was indecisive. It would be pouring buckets one minute, and sunny clear skies the next. 

It’s why you would never catch a local with an umbrella. It’s pointless unless you plan to lug it around with you all year long. It’s better to learn to accept and even appreciate damp clothes and damp hair. That last part was definitely taking Steve some time to come to grips with. 

The line Billy’s in was long. And he didn’t appear to be anywhere close to the front. That’s the reason the sudden hand on his shoulder startled him. Was he  _ actually _ going to have to decide which to save? 

But he turns around to see Gerry. Five foot three and a hundred and ten pounds of pure bullishness. Steve would be lying through his teeth if he were to say he wasn’t absolutely terrified of the old woman. 

“Good to see ya here kid. Thought you’d been scared off after the first race.”

Steve’s mouth hangs open just slightly. It’s too early for him to talk to people. Luckily he realizes he’s been just standing there like an idiot after just a few seconds.

“Oh. Uh. Yeah. I just have a crazy work schedule. This was the first time I could have the weekend off.”

“That’s good. Was startin’ to worry the two of you had broke it off. Glad to see ya didn’t.” She pats his shoulder a little hard. Not really expecting it he stumbles slightly. 

He momentarily freaks at the comment. Forgetting for a second that Billy had told her. He allows himself to smile when it comes back to him. Enjoying the acceptance from the old woman. Ahead of her time. Reminding himself why he said he liked her.

“Okay. Since I have you alone, I have to ask. I have a theory and I need you to confirm it.” Steve throws her a quizzical look and takes a sip of his coffee. “What’s Hargrove like in the sack?”

Steve nearly does a spit take.

He manages to swallow the coffee in one aggressive gulp before actually bursting out into a fit of laughter. 

“I’m sorry. Uh. Could you maybe elaborate? Are you asking about our...  _ positions _ ?”

“Oh god.  _ No.  _ Please don’t tell me  _ that.” _

Steve never thought he’d see that lady blush. But she was. Blushing.  **_Cherry_ ** red all over her cheeks.

“My theory is that his little tough guy act don’t make it past the bedroom door.”

“ _ Oh!  _ Okay. Umm.” Steve was slightly uncomfortable. Discussing not  _ his  _ sex life with a woman be barely knew, but  _ Billy’s  _ sex life. But Steve was still hanging on to that grudge and thought, what harm is there? “He’s definitely not as aggressive, but I wouldn’t go as far to say he’s entirely  _ submissive _ .” 

“So he’s  _ not  _ a pillow princess?”

Steve raises his eyebrows and chuckles. 

_ “Sometimes.” _

Now Gerry has burst into laughter. Almost tearing up. Steve never would have thought this is the kind of conversation he’d be having at eight thirty in the morning in the middle of a parking lot surrounded by conservative men in their forties and fifties.

And then there’s someone else standing next to them. Long dirty blond hair. Unmistakably Billy. 

“What are you guys laughing at?” Billy asks. Not at all amused. 

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it,  _ princess.” _ Gerry says before slapping a hand two times against his cheek and walking off without another word.

Billy looks completely dumbfounded. Steve is desperately trying to hold in another laugh.

“Did she just call me princess?”

“Hey shouldn’t we be walking the course right about now?”

Billy takes the half eaten croissant from Steve’s hand and takes a bite before handing it back.

And with a mouthful of bread he points a finger. “This conversation is  _ not _ over.”

\- : -

They only had the time to walk the course just once. Billy was nervous. Steve could tell. Not just because of that. But because it had started to rain again.

Steve doesn’t like seeing Billy nervous about the rain. He was already nervous enough himself when Billy was all confident with his “it’ll be fine. I know what I’m doing”’s, but if Billy’s nervous, that can’t be good. 

By the time they get back to the Camaro, Billy falls into the driver seat with his legs hanging out the open door. His head in his hands breathing slightly chaotic. Something was wrong. More than just the rain.

Steve lays a tentative hand onto Billy’s thigh, but Billy quickly and swiftly slaps the hand away.

“Don’t touch me. We’re in public!”

Okay. Something was really wrong. 

Because not ten minutes ago they were just fine being touchy. Sure they were very PG and platonic. But Billy seemed to be okay with it so long as it was nothing too suspicious. A hand on a thigh might seem a little too suggestive if you don’t counter in the fact that there was literally nobody near and the car door shielded the act entirely from view.

But Steve chose not to take it personally. Because something happened in that little head of his as soon as the rain started. Something Steve was not yet privy to.

“Billy. Relax. I’m gonna get in and we’re gonna talk it out, okay?”

Billy nodded his head. Breaths still shaky with a hint of anger as he tossed his legs into the vehicle and slammed his door shut. Okay maybe a little more than a hint.

Once Steve was inside he took a tight hold of Billy’s hand. Trying to calm his erratic breathing. It seems to help slightly. Enough for Billy to actually hear the words coming out of Steve’s mouth.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Billy looks at him. His eyes stone cold. “It’s fucking raining.”

“Someone’s observant.”

“Shut up.”

Steve pulls their clasped hands to where they are now resting on Steve’s thigh. Wrapping a second hand around the two so Billy’s is fully encompassed. 

“That didn’t seem to bother you an hour ago. Why now?”

Billy tosses his head back against the headrest. Shutting his eyes tightly and inhaling sharply through his nose. 

_ “You! You _ made me fucking nervous, Steve. I have never given the rain a second thought until  _ you.  _ And now I can barely remember the course, and I have to run on street tires, and it’s fucking  _ raining!  _ And you’re here to watch and now I’m  _ nervous. _ ”

Steve’s look at Billy softens. Because it makes sense. And god Steve feels awful because it was his grumpy attitude that caused all of this.

“Bills, if I thought your life was  _ actually _ in danger I would have had you turn the car around when you asked. I was just in a pissy mood, okay?” Steve squeezes tighter. “I believe in you,  _ princess _ .”

That pulls Billy out of his haze for just a moment. “Okay what the fuck inside joke is this?”

“If you do well today,  _ maybe,  _ I’ll tell you.”

“Bribery huh? Didn’t think that was your style.”

Aw. There’s the Billy he knows and unfortunately loves.

“Come on, let’s get those brand new numbers on your car.”

“Kiss me first, shithead.”

So Steve does. Leaning over the stick shift, planting a quick and wet kiss straight to Billy’s lips. Not the kiss Billy wants. But that’s all Steve’s going to give.

\- : -

To both of their surprise, Billy doesn’t spin. Actually, he’s one of the only drivers who didn’t spin.

And fortunately, nobody crashed today. Not even Dwight.

Steve didn’t ride with Billy today. Not wanting to add to the stress. Even if it wasn’t a timed run.

And Billy came in first. Even if he drove slower than his liking. All of the DNF’s, missed gates, and hit cones playing in his own favor. And shit, Steve owes him some information, and maybe a better kiss.

The second run group was on course straight away, giving Billy and him absolutely zero time to even speak before Billy was being summoned to his work assignment. So Steve just parked himself at one of the picnic tables in the covered area. Ignoring the fact that his boyfriend was putting himself in front of reckless drivers on wet pavement. Shoving down the thought of “what could go wrong” as far as it would fucking go.

No. No. No. The only car Billy would be going home in would be the Camaro. Not an ambulance. 

The sounds of screeching tires against wet asphalt did not cure the thought. Painstakingly resisting every urge to turn his head every time he heard so much as an “ooh” from an onlooker.

He sat there. Sipping on his now lukewarm coffee and searching the wooden planks of the picnic table for hidden shapes. Just like he would with the clouds if they weren’t just one gray blob.

And time manages to pass by quickly with just that to occupy his time. He hears the engines shut off and the announcer call something over the loudspeaker. He doesn’t know what, but the tone of his voice made it sound like a finale.

He’s tossing his nearly empty coffee cup in the garbage can when Billy comes up from behind him. 

“Hey, before we go, wanna feel like you’re in high school again?” Billy asks, discreetly pulling at his sleeve.

“Why on earth would I want to do that?”

“Just trust me.”

Steve gives him a weird look but follows Billy under the bleachers that face the  _ real  _ racetrack. The one people actually come here for. Not a parking lot. 

You can barely see anything but rusted metal from where they’re standing. Steve pieces it together fairly quickly.

“You bring me under here to kill me?”

“Just shut up and fucking kiss me.”

Billy was right. It totally does feel like high school. The good parts. Sneaking girls under the bleachers on the football field. But this felt ten times better. Because it was Billy. Not just some girl he only got with to prove something to Tommy H. 

It’s like they were in their own little corner of the world. Perfectly concealed and able to love one another publicly but privately at the same time. 

Steve’s tugging at Billy’s hair and Billy’s tugging at his. He’d be upset if it hadn’t already been messed up by the rain earlier. 

Their hands are moving haphazardly but their lips and tongues have found a rhythm. Slowly interlocking and fulfilling their every need. 

“God I love you.” Steve breathes against Billy’s mouth. 

“Tell me what  _ princess _ means.”

Steve had nearly forgotten.

“Something relating to your pillow.”

Billy stalls for a second before completely stepping away from Steve.

“You did  _ not  _ tell her that.”

Steve doesn’t respond. Just raises his eyebrows and stands his ground. The look says  _ I sure did. _

“I fucking hate you.”

“You love me.”

And Billy just moves back in, pulling him by the collar, and kisses him. Inhaling sharply. Breathing in all that is Steve.

“You know you love it when I just lay there.”

“Yeah. I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!!
> 
> tumblr; [mourntheantagonist](https://mourntheantagonist.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> I originally planned for this to be a oneshot, but things were getting LONG. So I’m breaking it apart into separate chapters. I’ll probably post the second chapter sometime within the next couple of days since it’s already complete. 
> 
> Please leave comments!! Love them. Very very much so. :))))


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